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Well, I’ve posted some shiz but not really anything about ME. so here goes!
what i really feel right now is stuck. stuck like a bug on fly paper. it doesn’t seem like my life is going anywhere. like the only thing i’m living for is to see my daughter smile every day. which IS a great thing to live for! i’m not saying its a bad thing… but i want my OWN house, my OWN life someplace to call MINE. not my moms or my grandmas. somewhere where I’M the boss and there isnt anyone to do it for me or to say i’m doing it wrong.
i KNOW my mom loves me. and she has done so much for me and mike and ellie… but she thinks about things differently than i do… and sometimes things that shouldn’t matter really do. and all i can do is say OK SORRY. like if she has a problem with mike ITS MY FAULT. i KNOW i’m the reason he is here but I DON’T NEED TO FEEL BAD BECAUSE YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. but if she says anything to HIM its my fault again. like i’m supposed to fix EVERYTHING. nobody wants MY opinion BUT if i’m not even the problem i STILL have to go and tell everyone its gonna be ok. nobody is gonna die or get kicked out on their ass JUST STFU. and nothing ever gets fixed. everyone gets all butt hurt and they SAY it doesn’t matter anymore but if i say anything related to the matter they FREAK about that ONE TIME someone else said or did something they didn’t like. and they only ever say it to me. so then i feel horrible because of the water bill or because glenn got drunk and wouldn’t shut up. or because mike didn’t wrap the baby up before going outside. WOO FUCKIN HOO. yay life and all its little freakish moments.
I SOUND LIKE AN UNGRATEFUL BITCH. i love every single one of them. i REALLY REALLY do. they do so much for me. and i don’t physically DO anything. i hardly ever do dishes. my room hasn’t been clean in months and everytime i try to do something i think about how worthless i’ve been and how no one will notice if DO DO something. so i get depressed and go sulk someplace and it doesn’t happen. and if i do dishes my mom just says “you shoulda done it a week ago.” or “SUUUUURE now that i already did half of them yesterday.” i wanna cry.
HOW WAS THAT? XD thats some shit i’ve been wanting to say for a long time.
